Woman crush Wednesday’s aren’t just for straight men anymore. Move over Macho Teyana Taylor admirers, there are new sherrifs in town who are competing for likes on Instagram. They aren’t your homies but rather a covert group of gay men that are inching their way into the straight man’s digital territory.
In an effort to live a life under the radar, many closeted gay and bisexual men I’ve come to know have put in tremendous amount work to ensure that their social media presence, matches their real life experience. This experience is rooted in being viewed as hardworking, free spirited, adventurous, and most importantly undeniably straight!
Let me make one thing abundantly clear. These men who each have a personal journey that is theirs and warrants privacy, are without a doubt same gender loving. They have partners, share homes with them, or are happily single and dating through a very limited pool of likeminded men.
They’re beyond the point of lying to family and friends but are chameleons who are experts at adjusting and maneuvering through life with a choreographed approach to dodging unwanted personal (nosy) questions.
While being a part of this tango of duality between appearing straight and their authentic selves, these men desire to be just one of the boys. With that in mind, supporting and praising beautiful women in a manner that implies attraction and not just being a stan of the most relevant pop diva is crucial to keeping the illusion alive.
In a culture that still values heteronormative ideals that are very much tied to all of our conditioned upbringings, it’s no surprise that for some men, they would rather support, promote, and subscribe to a heterosexual agenda at the expense of their own truth. I could go into a plethora of complex reasons as to why, but as many of my closeted friends and acquaintances have shared, it’s just easier!
It is easier for some gay men to publicly celebrate black love when it pertains to a man and woman. It is easier to support churches and organizations rooted in historical legacies because its been taught to be appropriate, and to many, a family obligation and a false sense of duty. It is easier to subscribe to protecting the happiness and delusional bubble of those we love while willfully deeming our needs, and romantic love interests as unworthy of attention or warranting a sense of pride.
Some men have been masters of designing a life that is visually appeasing to, and reflective of those around us. The people these men unconsciously vow to protect, often do not view our lives and happiness as worthy of celebration so it’s not uncommon for same gender loving men themselves, to be completely uncomfortable following, supporting, or publicly rooting for their own.
Career, family, and acceptance are important factors for many of us . These are after all, what we grew up believing to be what is normal, traditional, and commands blind loyalty by any means necessary. I wish that Man crush Monday’s for same gender loving men were posted more frequently while clamoring for positions in instagram’s ever changing algorithm. If that day should ever come where it’s not just a few select men supporting Jussie Smollett, and other gay men as IG crushes, we could then unapologetically apply the same passion to ourselves shamelessly given to straight folks. We’ll get there one day…. I hope.