I like my dirty martini extra dirty with gin not Vodka. There is only one “The City” and that is New York City. I’ll take Janet over Madonna, the New York Giants over the Jets, and a vacation is not a vacation if your passport isn’t stamped. All of these preferences are not universal knowledge the world knows. This is just a taste what makes up the man I’ve become. They are part of my blueprint! A few weeks ago, I went to brunch with a buddy of mine at Angel of Harlem. A small eatery / bar nestled on Frederick Douglass Boulevard that serves everything from crab cakes, deadly rum punch, chicken and waffles, and undeniably some of New York City’s finest same gender loving men.


As I chatted it up at a table that included my buddy, his colleague, and two straight women we’ve just met, my buddy and I gave each other look but don’t look queues as some melanin infused bodies sauntered by. Without even asking each other, I believe we knew which of the gentleman caught our attention. Maybe it was the fact that we’ve known each other for 5 years, or the rum punch we were drinking was creating a symbiotic vibe, but it got me thinking, do gay men have a body blueprint that we go by? Did we have an experience that has occurred in our lives that no matter what, we seem to follow the same pattern when it comes to physique, swagger, mannerisms etc.?


We can get extremely granular with our tastes in hairstyles, beards, no beards, tall, short, svelte, thickums (yessir), and mocha to caramel and eggshell cream-colored skin.


I can tell you my very first same gender crush, his name, what his face and hair looked like, body proportions, and personality that caused butterflies to frantically swarm in my stomach at the mere sight of him. This was first grade (don’t judge me). Although we were children, his physical presence then, and when we were older seemed to be the catalyst of a myriad of gentleman that would cause me to organically and slyly, mutter the words under my breath, Damn Baby! Whether it is a walk, a personal style, the way a man laughs, or even how he chews his food, there was a type that I gravitated towards that has either helped or hindered me at times. I still debate this in my head many of Sunday evenings over a glass of Opus and Jodeci.




Some friends of mine may say I’m guilty of taking a very equal opportunity stance when it comes to hues of brown. The gentleman I’ve either dated or been attracted to would not be mirror images of each other by any means but to those who know me, would detect an uncanny similarity thus branding me with a type or blueprint. Where does it come from? Ok yes, possibly my first grade crush but it has to be deeper than that right? Maybe it was his genuine nice nature, intelligence, strong and durable stature, infectious laughter and ability to see me in all of my prepubescent awkwardness.


We can get extremely granular with our tastes in hairstyles, beards, no beards, tall, short, svelte, thickums (yessir), and mocha to caramel and eggshell cream-colored skin.


My curiosity of the origins of my personal blueprint when it came to men followed me on the A train back to 42nd street and eventually to my living room sofa. I don’t think there are more than one reason but rather a combination of them that can explain why myself, or any other man like what we like. I am grateful however, that I did not exclude individuals outside of my blueprint as some of the best moments of my life to date, have been with men that wasn’t quite what I expected or was initially into.


We can get extremely granular with our tastes in hairstyles, beards, no beards, tall, short, svelte, thickums, and mocha to caramel and eggshell cream-colored skin. We can be drawn  a great sense of humor, gym rats, men dressed in Bespoke jackets and Flamekeeper Hat club fedoras, to fitted hats and snapbacks. I believe for all of what and whom we like, it all began with a memory, often a pleasant one. It could very well be that my blueprint, or anyone’s for that matter is embedded in an experience that made us feel special, accepted, and even attractive. It could also be that what we are attracted to physically, is connected to images of our dads, uncles, or father figures who loved and supported us, even when they knew we were different.


I implore any man to understand that only you know why the wind blows a certain way regarding what type of man catches your eye and possibly your heart. As long as it keeps you empowered in the midst of it all while evolving with them, does it really matter? It’s important however, to not sell yourself short and only exist in your own personal bubble and preferences. There are some gems out there that may force you to create a an entirely new blueprint and you’ll love it!